The talk

Had a version of "the talk" with my oldest son this weekend. He's a pretty mature almost-ten year-old and was curious about things that his friends have been talking about.

It all started when he asked me what NC-17 meant, having seen the listing of film ratings in a movie theater. I explained that movies rated NC-17 contained scenes that are not appropriate for kids, usually extreme violence or (pause, lower voice) sexual content. He processed that, then said he had another question for me but would wait to ask when his little brother wasn't around. I knew what I was in for. My wife gave me the go-ahead to handle it, so later that evening, my son and I went for a walk.

Halfway up the block he asked, "So, what is sex?" I had done some reading and looked at some books on the subject (of talking to your kids about it) so I felt at least a little prepared. I started by asking him some questions about what his friends thought or knew about it. He said there was a group of his friends who would sometimes huddle together at recess and talk about it. (I found this interesting, because I know that at least three of the kids he mentioned have had some form of the talk with their parents.) He also brought up some YouTube searches done by one friend and some other general schoolyard chatter on the subject. Interestingly, it was clear to him that their knowledge of the subject was hazy at best.

In answering his question, I touched on puberty and how bodies change as we mature. He knew a bit about this, as he's developed a tiny bit of hair on his legs and upper lip. Then I brought up the differences between men's bodies and women's bodies. He's observant enough to have noticed this but didn't have any real understanding of the specifics. We talked about what certain body parts are for as they relate to human reproduction. I started as innocuously as I could with breasts. He knew this one -- milk. Then he asked me what testicles are for. I didn't have to go far before he figured out that they must produce/contain whatever men contribute to the process. We talked about eggs getting fertilized and splitting and growing inside the woman, etc. He took it all in and seemed to understand.

Which led to the big money question -- "But HOW" does the seed get to the egg? Treading carefully, I boiled it down this way -- "the body parts are made to fit together." I wasn't at all sure how I would answer any follow-up questions, but happily, this was enough for him at this point in his life.

We concluded with my suggestion that he keep his newly acquired knowledge to himself, as this is the kind of thing that parents should be responsible for telling their own kids. He concurred.

And so, a milepost of parenthood. I felt quite good about how I handled it. Now I can only hope that in a few more years he doesn't find himself a hormonal wild man like I remember being.